Larkspur Fields
by jet lignite
Summary: Batkit is an arrogant runt with authority issues and an overactive imagination. Willowkit is a shaky, anxiety-ridden mess who doesn't even trust the ground he sets paw on. They live in Treeclan, a strict and restrictive clan that is completely set apart from any other cats. Batkit wants out, and fast.
1. Allegiances

AN: Hello! I've been in a total writing stump lately so here I am, going back to a fandom I ditched 3 years ago. Wow. There WILL be swearing and violence in this (I don't have the patience for the cats to swear like clan cats, so they'll be saying a few human terms. sorry!)  
Anyways, enjoy!

* * *

Treeclan is a small, old-school clan set in the middle of a thin woodland surrounded by fields and flowers. It is the only clan in a wide radius, and as such takes as much territory as it pleases. It is rather set in it's ways, and does not tolerate anything it sees as rebellion. This includes but is not limited to disobeying, inability to fight or hunt, homosexuality, and any sort of mental illness.

Batkit is a runt with fighting spirit who hates his clan's self-perceived stupidity and wants out, fast. Willowkit is his best friend, an awkward, fearful tom who's perfectly content to live his whole miserable life following dumb rules, as long as it means safety.

This is their story, and the stories of everyone they influence on their way.

* * *

 **Allegiances:**

 **Leader:** Nightstar - A large black tom with flat blue eyes. Headstrong, stubborn, and arrogant. Does not tolerate anything that he does not approve. Father to Pebblepaw and Hawkpaw.

 **Deputy:** Foxstep - A thin, elegant ginger she-cat with mismatching blue and green eyes. Manipulative and sly like her namesake, she is more flexible than Crowstar and is willing to go behind her leader's back if you'll pay a price.

 **Medicine Cat:** Mousewhisker - A stocky tabby tom with brown eyes. Slow and friendly, he tries to help every cat in any way he can, even if his attempts are a bit misguided.

 **Medicine Cat Apprentice:** Specklepaw - A mottled grey-and-white tom with piercing grey eyes. Intelligent but lazy, he does what is required and little more. Brother to Creekpaw and Willowkit. Child of Sandclaw and Brightfur.

 **Warriors:**

Thistleleap - A lithe grey tabby she-cat with dark blue eyes. Bubbly and always ready to get things done. Mother to Pebblepaw and Hawkpaw.

Cloudshine - A thick-furred white she-cat with amber eyes. Prideful and quite snobby, but hard-working and loyal to a fault.

Sandclaw - A fawnpoint siamese with blue eyes. Generally well-liked but painfully average. Father to Specklepaw, Creekpaw, and Willowkit.

Blackfang - A black she-cat with a stumpy tail and yellow eyes. Bold and outspoken. Very opinionated.

Grasstail - A mottled, thick-furred brown she-cat with an absurdly fluffy tail and green eyes. Quite stupid but very strong and hard-working.

Leafdapple - A large tortoiseshell tom with green eyes. Intelligent and generally understanding. Weak-willed and easily swayed.

Sunpelt - An absurdly bright-furred orange tabby with amber eyes. Distant and very relaxed. Will go with the flow no matter what. Father to Batkit.

 **Apprentices:**

Pebblepaw - A patchy grey tom with bright blue eyes. Optimistic but fairly dull. Brother to Hawkpaw, child of Thistleleap and Nightstar.

Hawkpaw - A dark grey tabby she-cat with dark blue eyes. Arrogant and defensive. Sister to Pebblepaw, child of Thistleleap and Nightstar.

Creekpaw - A pale tawny tom with very pale blue eyes. Intelligent and manipulative. Brother to Specklepaw and Willowkit, child of Sandclaw and Brightfur.

 **Queens:**

Windthorn - A large, dark grey she-cat with piercing yellow eyes. Icy and selfish. Mother to Batkit.

Brightfur - A white she-cat with light grey patches and dull grey eyes. Sweet and a bit dull. Mother to Specklepaw, Creekpaw, and Willowkit.

Amber - A dark ginger she-cat with amber eyes. Withdrawn and generally depressed. Former loner. Mother to Palekit, Stormkit, and Littlekit.

 **Kits:**

Batkit - A tiny black tom with bright amber eyes. Angry and strong-willed. Child of Sunpelt and Windthorn.

Willowkit - A tall silvery-white tom with large grey eyes. Anxious and softspoken. Brother to Specklepaw and Creekpaw. Child of Sandclaw and Brightfur.

Palekit - An albino she-cat. Outspoken and hyperactive. Child of Amber. Sister to Stormkit and Littlekit.

Stormkit - A pale tabby tom with amber eyes. Intensely protective and closed-off. Child of Amber. Brother to Palekit and Littlekit.

Littlekit - An extremely small ginger she-cat with bright amber eyes. Shy and weak-willed. Child of Amber. Sister to Palekit and Stormkit.


	2. Unsure Beginnings

AN: Editing this and the next chapter to break up huge paragraphs! Thank you to Featherfall's Lullaby for the suggestion!

* * *

The first thing I ever saw was the face of another tom, bright silver eyes wide and whiskers nearly touching mine. I squeaked (in a dignified manner, of course) and leaped away, nearly falling over. The tom jumped as well, looking even more afraid than I, and backed away. His eyes were so wide and bright that I thought they must be the 'moon' I'd heard my mother speak of a few times before. Funny, I didn't know there were two of them.

The tom's name was Willowkit, I soon discovered. He'd opened his eyes before anyone else, and was quite lonely since the both of us were single-kit litters. I'd heard my mother mutter once that one kit in a litter was bad luck, and I told my new friend as such. He told me his mother had said it was good luck, and that my mother was probably stupid. I hesitantly agreed.

My new friend was very interesting. He didn't look like most other cats; he was as tall as the trees I could see from the nursery, and as thin as the branches on them. His eyes, which I had since learned were not the moon, were the colour of the stars at night, although they didn't glow as brightly. He was jumpy and squeaky, he shook like he was always cold even when he wasn't, and he had a funny way of speaking where he'd restart a word or even the entire sentence over and over. He was unique.

I decided that I liked him the best out of every other cat, even the bright orange one who visited me sometimes and said he was my father.

Willowkit and I were inseparable as we grew older. He was the only one who would listen to me about my vivid dreams; I dreamt of running through fields, climbing huge, cold rocks that were so tall they went past the clouds, of the biggest stretches of water imaginable and the deepest ravines. It was the outside world, I knew. Outside of the stuffy nursery and closed-in camp, away from the watchful stares of the older cats. I wanted to go there someday soon. Willowkit didn't want to go anywhere at all, though, so I stayed behind just to make him happy.

After all, he'd be lonely without me. I was the only one who didn't get mad when he freaked out over a little thing and would curl up on himself and wail, or freeze up and shake like he'd been dipped into ice water. I just sat beside him and told him about my dreams, or about something I'd seen happen outside the nursery earlier, and eventually he'd calm down and start talking too. We never discussed his freakouts; I think he was embarrassed about them. That was fine with me.

Willowkit's mother, Brightfur, was a nice cat. She looked a lot like him, although her eyes were darker and her frame was thicker than his. She smiled and would tell us a few stories if we asked really politely. I told her once that I wished she was my mother, but she frowned and told me that was bad. I didn't understand, but I didn't push it further. I'd long since learned not to argue with cats who went by the title 'mother.'

My own mother, a gigantic blue cat with mean eyes and a meaner scowl, wasn't nearly as kind as Willowkit's. She hated my dreams, hated my games, hated my best friend. Sometimes, I thought she even hated me, but Willowkit told me that was impossible since she was a mother, and mothers always loved their kits.

The only other cat in the nursery was Amber, who was the colour of the dead leaves that were falling from the trees lately. She was really quiet and looked sad most of the time, but she had the most fantastic stories I'd ever heard. I liked her a lot, even though she was the fattest cat I'd ever seen in my life. She told me about all of the places I dreamed about and then some.

* * *

Three moons into my life I found out why Amber was so fat; she'd been pregnant. The new kits were tiny, even smaller than me, and they looked really funny with their ears and eyes all squeezed shut. Willowkit and I giggled and tried to mock them until my mother came up and gave me a good cuff to the ear.

Then, we ran outside. It'd just rained, and the soft earth was full of so many puddles that we were both drenched barely five steps into our walk. Willowkit kept whining about how deep they were, how I was going to fall in and drown since I was so small, so just to shut him up I stopped and sat down.

It took me an embarrassingly long amount of time just sitting there until I realized that the puddles were sort of strange. Curious, I leaned over and peeked into one of them; it was full of trees and sky just like what was around me. I noticed a cat was also peeking out of it, and the closer I leaned towards it, the closer it got to me. The cat was small, all black with a few grey spots here and there. It had big amber eyes, just like my mother's.

I wrinkled my nose and decided this cat was pretty ugly, until I realized with a start that the cat was me, that I was looking at myself in a reflection. When Willowkit and I went back to the nursery it was all I could think about. I didn't like how I looked; I was all dark and stocky while Willowkit was tall and light. I asked him about it, but he told me I looked just fine and that I needed to go to sleep already, so I shut up and did what he said, pleased with his answer.

* * *

Four moons and half of another into our lives, Willowkit and I sat outside the nursery and stared at the stars, huddled together against the chilling cold of leafbare. A moon and a half until we would be apprenticed, trained to hunt and fight, and eventually would become warriors who served our clan with pride and loyalty. To me, that sounded incredibly stupid. Pride and loyalty over what? I wasn't sure what was wrong with this place, or what was wrong with me, but the whole idea of becoming a warrior was grossly unappealing to me. I didn't want to spend my entire life trapped here, taking care of others. I wanted to be free, running through all of the places I still saw in my dreams.

"Hey. D'you think we could-" I started, tilting my head towards Willowkit's. I saw him frown before I'd even gotten two words out.

"N-no. We're not l-leaving, Batkit." He said, as firmly as his wobbly voice would allow. I sighed and let my head drop, scowling at my paws.

I didn't understand why Willowkit wanted to stay so badly! He'd told me it was because he liked it here, that it was safe and warm and besides, he couldn't just leave his mother behind! It just didn't make any sense. This place was about as warm and safe to me as a badger's den. Who cared about our mothers? They'd be fine. I was sure my mother would be, at the very least. She seemed eager to be rid of me.

"I hate this place." I commented idly, still staring at my dark paws, which stood out starkly against the thin powdering of snow beneath them. Willowkit didn't say anything else, so I took it as a sign to continue.

"It's stupid! Warriors are so dumb. I don't want to fight, I want to run. We're not allowed to run, how stupid is that?" I implored, trying to get him to look at me. He was stubbornly refusing, his tail twitching around in the snow behind him. I scowled.

"Come on! Doesn't it make you mad? They all look at us like we're stupid and broken!" At the last word I hopped up, fur bushed out. "Just 'cause I'm small and you shake! Who cares? I bet they're just jealous!"

Willowkit still didn't break his gaze from the sky, and I couldn't force myself into his vision due to our rather unfortunate height gap.

"Willowkit! Ugh! Pebblepaw and Hawkpaw think we're both stupid, y'know that?! Hawkpaw called me 'gay'! I don't even know what that is!" I was yelling now, in all of my kittish rage, just spewing out whatever I could think of recently that had gotten on my nerves. "And my mom keeps looking at me like someone just dragged me out of the dirtplace! And... and Amber's kits are annoying! They never shut up! I hate it here!"

Burnt out, I flopped back down and pressed my face into Willowkit's shoulder, shaking almost as much as he did most of the time. He finally dropped his gaze to rest his chin gently on my head.

This was how we worked; when I got so mad I couldn't function, he would let me do this, and I'd do the same for his freak outs. After a few minutes, I drew my face away, embarrassed. He gave me his funny, crooked little smile, and we both tip-toed back into the nursery to sleep. Unfortunately, it looked like I was going to be stuck here for the time being.

* * *

Five moons into our lives, I was antsier than ever. If we waited any longer to leave, we'd be apprenticed and then we'd really be trapped! I kept bringing it up to Willowkit, but he just kept shooting me down.

Bitter, I'd taken to sitting with Amber while her kits ran around me squealing and telling her about all my problems. She'd listen, nod every so often. She never said much, but I didn't mind. It just left me with more room to talk. Eventually, her annoying kits became too much and I'd leave, to drag Willowkit off on another 'adventure' or to pester Hawkpaw and Pebblepaw about what the world outside camp looked like. Willowkit was taking a nap right now, so it looked like I was going with the latter.

Finding Hawkpaw was fairly easy; she was a decent-sized cat, and her dark grey pelt stood out against the snow littered around camp. I padded up to her, head lifted high. She sat up and nudged away the squirrel she'd been eating just so she could scowl at me better.

"Hi." I said, in my best attempt at polite. Judging by the narrowing of her eyes, I decided I needed to work on that tone.

"Piss off, Gaykit. I'm eating." She hissed. I frowned at that, feeling frustration begin to bubble up in my chest.

"It's Batkit! What does 'gay' even mean?!" Her and her brother, Pebblepaw, had been calling me Gaykit for two moons now, but they refused to tell me what it meant. So did my mother, Willowkit's mother, and Amber. I didn't know who else to even ask!

Hawkpaw just laughed and shoved me away with one paw, nearly knocking me over. "You'll figure it out someday, dumbass. Until then, leave me alone." I stood up and fluffed my fur out at her, giving the she-cat the worst glare I had. She didn't seem to care much, so I gave up with a loud sigh and padded away, doing my best to look dignified even when one of my paws slipped on a little patch of ice and I nearly faceplanted. So much for stories; I had a new goal in mind. Figure out what 'gay' meant.

Almost the entire day had gone by and it was still hopeless. I'd asked Pebblepaw and Specklepaw; Pebblepaw had sheepishly admitted that he didn't actually know, either. Specklepaw did, but he thought it was hilarious that we didn't, so he wouldn't tell either of us. My mother had been sleeping when I went to ask, and Brightfur pretended she didn't hear me when I questioned her. Amber didn't seem to know what it was either, so she wasn't much help.

"Ugh!" I spat, plopping my rump down beside Willowkit, who was taking apart a moss ball carefully. "No one knows what gay is!"

He looked up at me, face the same expression of general fear and discomfort that it always was. "O-Oh. It means a tom l-liking another tom." He stammered out, turning back to his mossball. I gaped at him. He knew?! All this time?! I hadn't even thought to ask!

Too overjoyed to be angry, I gave him a quick lick to the nose as appreciation for this new information and sped off, paws making tiny, scattered prints in the snow all the way to the apprentice's den, where I stopped and peeked inside. Empty.

Turning away, I let my gaze travel slowly across camp. It was a small affair, a bunch of woven dens tossed into a small clearing. It was surrounded by sick-looking trees that twisted around over it and gave it a feeling of being closed-off from the rest of the forest. I hated it, found it impossibly suffocating, but now was not the time to think about that.

My line of sight focused on a dark grey she-cat, crouched and ready to pounce on a lighter grey tom. Hawkpaw and Pebblepaw! I scrambled to my feet and darted over to them, my mouth already open to announce what I'd learned.

"Gay is a tom liking another tom!" I exclaimed, coming to an abrupt stop a few whiskerlengths from Hawkpaw's side. She had turned to glare at me but her cobalt gaze widened when she heard what I had to say. I grinned, looking between her and Pebblepaw, who mostly just looked relieved to finally know what it was.

"Took you long enough, moron." Hawkpaw muttered, sitting up fully from her crouch. I was uncomfortably reminded of her size; she was almost a full two heads taller, and she wasn't even that big. I was just a runt. Feeling some of my excitement drain away, I mimicked her and sat down as well, curling my tail around my paws like Willowkit always did because I thought it looked pretty cool.

"So? What do you want, Gaykit?" She still hadn't given up the nickname, it seemed. Ugh.

"You have to tell me about the territory now!" I demanded. "You said you wouldn't until I figured out what gay meant. Well, here I am." I gave her my smuggest smirk, and could see in the shifting of her face into an irritated frown that I'd done it right.

"Piss off. I'm busy. We have actual responsibilities, y'know." She hissed, her claws kneading the hard earth beneath her paws.

"Don't care. You owe me a story, and a good one." I lifted my chin to show her I couldn't care less about her stupid apprentice duties. She huffed.

"They're important! We change bedding, and help the elders, and we hunt and fight just like a warrior does!" She stood up then, animated, eyes blazing as she told me a bunch of boring stuff I already knew.

Deciding to show her just how much I cared, I opened my mouth wide in a fake yawn and began to groom myself. The hiss of frustration that left Hawkpaw's mouth was music to my ears, but my fun was interrupted by a heavy set of paws behind me.

I lifted my head up and turned to look, and ended up lifting it a whole hell of a lot higher than I'd anticipated when I locked gazes with the biggest black tom I'd ever seen in my life. His cold blue eyes passed over me like I was a piece of freshkill that had gone bad and landed on Hawkpaw. I shrunk away, taking a few nervous steps backwards and practically hiding behind Pebblepaw.

This was our leader, Nightstar. I didn't like him. He reminded me of my mother, except where her eyes were unbreakable ice with no emotion, his were a whirling storm barely hidden by the thinnest sheet of ice imaginable. He gave me horrible vibes; made my stomach clench and my eyes widen. I didn't trust him as far as I could throw him.

"Hawkpaw, Pebblepaw. Get to bed. It's late." The sentence was simple, but his voice was deep and cold and he made everything he said sound like a threat. My stomach was tumbling around like nobody's business, and I swore my heart was in my throat. I wondered briefly if this was how Willowkit felt all the time, but was interrupted by Nightstar's gaze landing on me and staying this time. I froze, eyes as wide as the moon itself.

"You too, kit. You shouldn't even be out this far." The tinge of disgust in his voice, the way his tail lashed a bit, his crazy eyes on my own. It was all too much. I squeaked out something unintellible and scrambled to my paws, nearly stepping on Pebblepaw's tail as I literally ran all the way back to the nursery and slammed straight into Willowkit.

He let out a screech of surprise and we tumbled down together, where I pressed my face into his shoulder and stayed there. After a few long seconds of hammering hearts and lost breath, I felt his tongue around my ears and began to relax.

"I don't like Nightstar." I mumbled, beginning to feel sleepy as I pressed my head up against Willowkit. He looked confused, but didn't say anything to disagree with me. "He's... he's gay." I said finally, deeming this a worthy insult in my tired mind as my friend's grooming put me to sleep.


	3. Gaining Traction

AN: Hello again! Just wanted to warn of swearing (and a slur) in this chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

Rain. That was all there had been for three days now, pouring down from the sky mercilessly and drenching everything below, cats included. Everyone was damp, if not downright soggy, at all times. The camp's formerly snow-coated floor was saturated with water and squished beneath a cat's paws.

Prey was difficult to catch, but thankfully a bit more plentiful than before due to the lack of hiding spots left un-flooded, which was the only upside to this entire ordeal. Every cat in camp was always complaining, trying to shake themselves dry futilely or huddling in their slightly less wet dens.

Every single cat, except for one.

I splashed around carelessly in the puddles just outside of the nursery, humming a merry tune. Willowkit's constant complaints were falling on deaf ears; his stuttered disapproval of the weather was old news to this happy tom.

Oh, joyous rain! Three days! Three days of apprenticeship delayal! I couldn't be more happy. If this wasn't a sign that I should never become an apprentice, I didn't know what was! My grinning reflection stared back at me just before I slammed my soaked paws into another puddle, spraying water all over the place. Mother always said that I probably should've been born as a fish.

As much as my mother disapproved, both of my fish-like tendencies and current lack of apprenticeship, no amount of constantly nagging Nightstar had gotten him to relent.  
For once, I found myself agreeing with the bulky tom when he firmly told her that holding a meeting in this weather would result in nothing less than mutiny. Which meant that as long as it rained, Willowkit and I were free to enjoy ourselves for what was probably the last opportunity left for it in our entire lives.

I meant to take full advantage of this situation. Willowkit was not so optimistic.

"Batkit, c-come on! It's fr-fr... f-freezing out here!" He hissed, his stutter worsening as he got more and more agitated.

He was pacing around a few tail-lengths away from me, far away enough to avoid my splashes but close enough to be sure I could hear his incessant whining. He looked pissed, honestly. His silver eyes were narrowed, slick fur spiked up as much as it could be considering the weather.

I leaped towards him, stopping just short and spraying him with a healthy dose of mudwater. He let out a yelp, followed by a hiss, and tackled me into the puddles. Finally! We rolled around for a short while, all sheathed claws and kittish growling, until he pinned me finally. I stared up at him, eyes blazing and a grin plastered to my face as my chest heaved. He couldn't fight a small smile from tugging at the corner of his lips despite the situation, but just as I was about to rejoice in cheering him up, my own joy disappeared faster than I could blink.

The rain.  
It had stopped.  
Oh, no. No, no, no.

Cats all over camp tilted their heads up, eyes round with surprise. I heard Hawkpaw exclaim "Hell yes!" followed by a yelp, which I assumed was her mentor Cloudshine giving her a good cuff to the ear for swearing.

A few more unidentifiable shouts of happiness joined her own after a few heartbeats, and the whole clan scurried out of their soggy dens to soak in the sunshine as the clouds drifted away. Willowkit got off me quickly, his small smile turned into a big, goofy grin.  
He skipped away from me, over to Palekit, Stormkit, and Littlekit, and I heard them all chattering excitedly.

I felt like throwing up, so I stayed in the puddle and let the cold, dirty water try to soothe me.  
Now I had to become an apprentice.  
No more playing, no more making fun of Hawkpaw from afar because of how stupid she looked practicing her fighting.  
Goodbye to cuddling with Willowkit in the nursery; if the other apprentices saw that, we'd never live it down. I'd be Gaypaw, and then Gay-whatever-my-warrior-name-will-be, for the rest of my miserable existence, and so would he.  
We'd have to fight, and hunt, and respect our mentors. Take care of elders, go to meetings... ugh.

It was a nightmare. I'd never be able to live out my dreams: this stupid clan would keep me here, forever.

While I was fully prepared to lay in a dirty puddle and mentally curse everyone I've ever met for the rest of eternity, I was rudely interrupted by two things: Nightstar's gruff voice calling for a clan meeting, and the shrill shriek of my mother when she stepped outside and caught sight of my situation. She was on me before I could even register she was there, dragging me out of the puddle violently and tossing me to the dirt. Her grooming was equally violent, the rough licking only interrupted in short bursts of enragement.

"You idiot!"  
"What do you think you're doing, laying out there like a dead fish?!"  
"You won't disgrace me by showing up to your ceremony soaking wet and covered in mud!"

Long since numbed to this, I sat still and kept my vocal complaints to a minimum. It went faster when I shut up.

Willowkit was being groomed by his mother as well, although Brightfur was far more gentle. Her murmurs looked more encouraging than anything, judging by how my friend's chest puffed out a bit and his eyes lit up. Lucky bastard.

He caught me looking and gave me a sympathetic look, but I just huffed and turned my head away. I wasn't in the mood for... well, anything, especially not being looked at like some kind of orphaned rogue kit, stuck in the rain and so starved that it was basically just a furry skeleton.

Finally, Windthorn pulled away and I immediately leaped to my paws and ran over to where the rest of the cats were gathered around the thick, rotting log that Nightstar stood upon. It was an ugly thing; smelled like misery and was always crawling with gross-looking insects. It had no business being right in the center of camp, not that anyone else agreed with me. They seldom did.

I stopped beside Hawkpaw, sitting down and ducking in hopes that my mother wouldn't find me. Thankfully, she didn't, and Hawkpaw deemed it a good time to shut her trap for once in her life.

Beside her was her brother Pebblepaw, who gave me a reassuring smile when I met his gaze. I didn't give one back, and he turned away quickly.

On my side sat another apprentice, Creekpaw. He was the colour of the wood underneath bark, and his eyes were as blue as the sky, although not nearly as pleasant. He gave off bad vibes, almost as bad as Nightstar. He was Willowkit's older brother apparently, although I didn't believe that for a heartbeat. Such an unpleasant cat couldn't possibly be related to someone as nice as Willowkit, right?

Creekpaw thankfully didn't look at me, and I dropped my gaze to my paws as Nightstar's voice sounded again. He began reciting the apprenticeship ceremony, but I wasn't listening. In fact, I was purposefully blocking it out, as if not knowing what to say when I was called up was going to somehow spite my clan.

"Batkit, Willowkit, step forward." I made my way through the crowd and leaped, just barely catching the top of the log and dragging myself up onto the huge thing with my claws.

Willowkit appeared from behind Foxstep and Mousewhisker, easily hopping onto the log without even unsheathing a claw. I bit back a jealous little hiss, only because my whole clan was watching. I might've hated them all, but that didn't mean I wanted them to think I was a petty little brat. Plus, I didn't want Willowkit to feel bad just because he was bigger. It wasn't like he could help it.

"Do you swear to-" I tuned Nightstar out again, choosing instead to study his face. My kittish fear of him had faded a great deal, but he still made me fairly uneasy. He was massive, and his eyes were set deep into his face. He had a weird scar curving along his cheek and just catching his lip, and there was a piece of meat stuck between his teeth which I saw every time he spoke. When he looked down at me expectantly, I just stared for a moment, at the meat. What was I supposed to say?

"Um, uh, yes?" I tried. His gaze narrowed at me, but he seemed to accept it and turned to Willowkit. I let out a sigh of relief and turned my gaze to my paws again. Willowkit's firm "I do" sounded much more confident than I'd ever heard him sound before. Did he actually want to become an apprentice?! Ugh.

I continued to tune Nightstar out until he touched his tail to my shoulder, startling me out of my intense paw-staring. I looked up at him, and he frowned.

"Batpaw, are you even paying attention?" I nodded, hoping it looked excited or confident or whatever I was supposed to be feeling right now.

"Good. Your mentor will be Grasstail." He nudged me and I nearly fell off the log, stumbling back onto flat, muddy ground ungracefully and hurrying over to my new mentor.

She was a pretty cat, covered in random patches of varying shades of brown. Her eyes were the colour of moss, and they had a warm feeling to them that I felt a bit comforted by. At least I'd have a nice mentor, even if everything else was shit. She patted the ground beside her with her thick tail and I sat, watching Willowki- er, Willowpaw get assigned his own mentor. Blackfang.

Blackfang was a, well... she was a bitch, really. The black she-cat reminded me of my mother, except instead of muttered gossip, she was very loud about her disapprovals. She'd always hated the both of us; called me a runt right to my face once, and mocked Willowpaw's stuttering. I'd told her to shut up, considering her stupid little stump of a tail made it so she could hardly even climb a tree, let alone make fun of other cats. To put it lightly, we didn't really get along.

The fact that Nightstar had made her his mentor even after both we and Willowpaw's mother had complained of her rudeness to him multiple times got anger burning in my chest, but I tried to bite it back. There was no way I could get away with yelling at the clan leader for being stupid. Even I, proud holder of the title 'reckless asshole', (as dubbed by Hawkpaw and seconded by Palekit) knew that I couldn't get away with something like that.

So I shut my mouth and cast my gaze upwards to meet my new mentor's. She looked nervous, maybe even scared, but I didn't really know why. She was a warrior, after all. They were supposed to be all strong and loyal and emotionless and blah blah blah.

"Come on then, Batpaw. I'll show you the territory." She stood, motioning for me to get up as well. I did, still sullenly silent. The promise of finally getting out of this camp, even under the watchful gaze of a mentor, wasn't enough to cheer me up.

We padded out of camp, padding down a well-worn dirt trail hugged loosely by thin trees with spindly, leaf-less limbs. The grass was thin as well, a sickly yellow from being trapped under the snow that had been washed away by the rain.  
The ground was still wet, dotted with puddles, and I tried to avoid them as best as I could. Splashing around in puddles was something I wasn't allowed to do anymore, unfortunately. Not that I really wanted to.

Grasstail was talking, I realized with a small stab of guilt. She didn't deserve to be ignored like Nightstar did, so I perked my ears up and gave her an expectant look, asking her to continue. She smiled at me.

"As I was saying, this path goes on for quite a while ahead. It stops at a big river-" I perked my ears up in real interest this time. A river? Maybe this wouldn't be so bad... "- and turns into a big grass field. Sometimes twolegs let their dogs loose there though, so we're not going to go there until you've learned some battle training."

Ugh, nevermind.

She continued to verbally map out the territory as we walked, since it was apparently too big for someone my size (she'd apologized profusely for this after saying it, as if I'd be offended by the truth) to cross without completely exhausting myself.

Her voice was soft and sing-songy as she informed me that this forest was fairly small and the trees only got thinner as it tapered out. All around us was fields except for one side, opposite from where we were going, which turned into steep hills fairly quickly. The territory wasn't as boring as I'd thought, apparently.

As desperate as I was to remain sullen and bitter forever, Grasstail's good attitude coupled with being outside of camp was forcing me out of my sulk.

We headed back not too long after, since she wanted me to get acquainted with the other apprentices and for me to make myself a nest. I didn't object; seeing Willowpaw again would be nice, and I couldn't wait to rub it in Palekit's face how I was an apprentice and she was still a dumb little kit. Even if I'd just been a dumb little kit, like, three hours ago. Whatever. I was mature now.

As we padded into camp I detached myself from Grasstail's side quickly and sprinted over to the apprentice's den, grinning uncontrollably when I saw Willowpaw inside. He was half-heartedly patting a ball of moss down into the most miserable excuse for a nest I'd ever seen. I strolled up to him, chin high and a smile on my face, determined to show him that I was totally mature and done throwing a mini tantrum over being an apprentice, but he didn't even look up when he mumbled a greeting.

"What's wrong?" I asked, but I already knew. Blackfang. He sighed softly and lifted his head a bit, his gaze level with mine for once. He looked absolutely miserable. That familiar anger was burning in my chest again.

"I-It's nothing. I'm just t-tired."

"Bullshit."

"B-Batpaw, I don't want to talk about it." He was practically whispering now, and even with my large ears and sensitive hearing I had to strain to catch it. The anger was burning so much it hurt, so I gave his cheek a quick lick (after making sure the den was empty besides us) and left, ready to give Blackfang a piece of my mind.

The stumpy-tailed she-cat was sitting by herself in a tiny dry patch of dirt, lazily grooming herself. I boldly made my way over to her, making sure to stomp extra hard into the puddle right in front of her, spraying her dark pelt with mud. She let out a little screech of shock and I bit back a laugh, trying to remain serious.

"What'd you say to Willowpaw?!" I demanded, wincing at how high-pitched my voice was. Hopefully that kit-like quality would go away soon, considering everything else was. If I didn't get to play like a kit I shouldn't sound like one either, god damnit.

Blackfang hissed at me, ears flattening and her lips curling up to reveal her teeth, which were thankfully not actually black. "I didn't say anything, you little brat! Watch where you're stepping!"

I mimicked her, bushing my fur out in an attempt to look a bit bigger as I hissed.

"Then why's he sad?! You always made fun of him before, so who's to say you stopped just 'cause you're his mentor now?!" I demanded. A few cats had lifted their heads to watch; I could see Hawkpaw and Specklepaw watching me from the corner of my eye, standing beside an enraged-looking Windthorn. I'd deal with her later.

Blackfang's features contorted into pure rage. "How dare you... you... ugh! Don't talk down to me! I'm your superior! You're barely even an apprentice, and you're the size of a damned newborn kitten!" That one stung. "Get out of my face, and expect punishment when I report this to Nightstar!"

"Go ahead! I'll tell him how stupid you are and how much you suck as a mentor! What kind of Treeclan warrior can't even climb trees?!" Judging by how she flinched, how her yellow eyes practically blazed with rage, I was pretty sure I'd stung her right back. Instead of replying, however, she turned with a huff and stormed over to the leader's den.

Well, shit. That was anti-climatic, and now I was about to be in a whole lot of trouble, both from Nightstar and from my mother, who was quickly approaching me. I'd never seen her so angry in my entire life, and that was something considering how angry pretty much every I did made her. I sat down and waited for her to come, the spark of anger in my chest dying away now.

This had definitely been a bad decision.

Windthorn opened her jaws and started to yell, but I wasn't listening to her. It was so easy to pretend she wasn't there, that nobody was. I could imagine things so much better than all of them, and that's just what I did.

I ran through a field of flowers this time. They were purple and tall, and they reminded me of Willowpaw. They smelled nice, too, so I stopped and rolled around in a few of them while Windthorn's shrieking voice faded away into an irritating, but easily ignored buzzing.

I kept one paw in the real world though, so when Nightstar came and escorted me to his den, I followed him obediently. He didn't yell, but his voice was cold and quiet and it scared me almost all of the way back into reality. I was struggling to block it out again, but it wasn't working. The whole illusion was shattered when he parted his jaws again, that piece of meat still stuck in his teeth, and informed me;

"You're an arrogant little kit, Batpaw. You need to realize that. The world doesn't revolve around you."

That wasn't the bad part, no. I didn't care about being called arrogant. It was the next part that got under my skin, that hurt worse than anything my mother had ever said to me.

"You and Willowpaw need to tone it down, too. You're both already weak. Don't expect to stick around here any longer if you're going to continue being faggots in my camp. It will not be tolerated."

He said it so calmly, with his cold gaze holding mine. As if it didn't mean anything.  
Faggots? I'd heard Hawkpaw use that term enough, along with a few other cats, to know what it meant.  
Gay. Gay was bad, very bad.  
Faggot was even worse.  
You called a dumb cat gay; you called a pathetic, worthless cat a faggot.  
We were already weak? Because I was a runt, and because Willowpaw got anxious sometimes, yeah. We were weak.

After a quick nod and a promise not to do anything like this again, I padded back to the apprentice's den, seeing Willowpaw immediately. He was curled away from Hawkpaw, Pebblepaw, and Creekpaw in the small den, and his head lifted up when he saw me. He looked a bit angry, a bit sad, but mostly concerned for me. He shifted over as I padded over to him, making room in the nest.

I walked right past him, as far away as I could get, and curled up right on the ground. My head faced the wall, and I told myself it was because I wanted to block out the light when morning came, even though I knew that it was because I couldn't stand to see his face, how hurt he probably looked.

I fell asleep wishing to be anywhere but where I was, and thankfully my dreams came to my rescue, just as they always did.


End file.
